After months of anticipation, the most wondrous time of year is upon us: college decision season. Who doesn’t love the thought of waiting for that one acceptance or rejection to change the course of your life? In honor of this occasion — and for that extra push of motivation — here is the routine of Ivy L. Worthy down to the millisecond, so you can be just as successful.
Our star student’s day begins with a leisurely and hearty breakfast, the perfect start to the morning. Next, she arrives at school promptly for the student council meeting like the model student she is. After all, she is the school president! Are you taking notes? This is where the true Ivy League-worthy material comes into play.
Following her meeting, she takes her AP Physics C and AP Chemistry exams back to back. Is she stressed? Pfft, what in the world is that? Do not listen to those phony websites that are cited in the National Institutes of Health, like The American Institute of Stress. This nonprofit states that “75% of high school students and 50% of middle schoolers consistently feel stressed due to schoolwork.” They are just out to get students like you. You’re not stressed — you’re just successful!
At long last, it is Lunch and Learn, another opportunity to better the world. Time to finish her groundbreaking lab research on a multidisciplinary approach to virtual reality tumor mapping with nanotechnology, which she discovered after months of cold-calling universities and researchers. After school, she leads the varsity field hockey team to victory as captain. And finally, she does community outreach for her strategically formed club, The Future Burned Out Valedictorians Society.
According to dietitian Emma Simpson, “Students categorized as ‘high stress’ had the highest average caffeine consumption of 7-8 svgs/wk (42-64 ounces).” High caffeine consumption can negatively impact development as well as the quality of sleep, especially for adolescents. Furthermore, psychologist Bipin Thapa said that poorer quality of sleep leads to higher mental and academic stress. But do not worry about that: All you need is fuel from exhilarating all-nighters, the satisfaction of optimizing every extra credit opportunity possible and the tears of your sleep-deprived opponents.
Now that you have witnessed the daily routine of our perfect student, all you have to do is follow it down to the last detail. Easy! Use academic pressure as motivation and your peers as benchmarks. And remember, if they can do it, obviously, you must do it better.
In the brilliant words of the great Ivy L. Worthy: “Burnouts are just a mindset, and limits are only meant for AP Calculus.”
Nishta Subramanian can be reached at [email protected].
