By Howard Kim, Co-Editor-in-Chief
Dear caffeine,
Writing this is incredibly difficult, but it’s important for me to espresso my honest feelings about where we are in our relationship.
Ever since I met you in that coffee shop six years ago, it was love at first sight. From that initial sip of iced coffee, I never would’ve imagined what would follow. We’ve made countless memories together: waking up at the crack of dawn to leave for the Pennsylvania School Press Association state finals at Penn State, cramming for my acid-base buffers test until 4 a.m., conjugating verbs in my third period Spanish class on three hours of sleep (“Yo estoy exhausto”). Whether it was fun or not, I will always look back on those memories fondly. However, after a great deal of introspection, I think it would be best if we took some time apart.
When we first met, I was just a little boy with a less-than-ideal sleep schedule in the midst of virtual school, falling asleep during social studies and snoring during Algebra 2. Due to the compounding effects of my borderline nocturnal teenage circadian rhythm and the monotony of staring at Microsoft Teams all day, I was dozing off left and right. Then, I met you.
With you by my side, I felt invincible. Whenever I was feeling downcast or sleepy, you were a ray of sunshine, piercing through whatever storms were brewing in my life. I no longer cared how late I went to bed or how much I procrastinated because I knew that no matter what, you would get me through whatever the next day had in store. Then, high school hit.
As my stress levels and workload increased, so did my procrastination — and with it, my dependence on you. Every passing year would only exacerbate it. During freshman year, I would only begin studying for AP Biology tests after 9 p.m. In sophomore year, it seemed like the immutable law of physics prevented me from opening my AP Seminar annotated bibliography Word documents until the clock struck midnight. Junior year was the last straw for me. Nothing happened before 12:30 or 1 a.m. Studying for chemistry? Espresso. Analyzing literature for my AP Research paper? Tea. Editing front page for The Spoke? Monster. Every time I burned the midnight oil, I would come home the next day and fall asleep immediately on my bed, waking up hours later with a caffeine crash. As my tolerance grew, I needed more and more of you just to keep me going, but I wasn’t gaining energy. I was just running from my own exhaustion. I trusted — depended — on you to keep me going, but it only resulted in me wearing myself down.
With the vast majority of my final and busiest year of high school remaining, I’ve realized that my overdependence on you is not healthy for either of us. You deserve better, and I need some time to grow and focus on myself to regain control over my daily life. It’s not you. It’s me.
I will always cherish the time we spent together. There is no one else I would rather have embarked on this journey with, and the fairest thing for both of us is to recognize that this is the end of our road.
Best wishes,
Your Ex(presso)
Howard Kim can be reached at [email protected].
