By Aren Framil, Co-Design Editor

As the nights grow colder and the ice freezes thick upon the ground, many families find themselves cooped up within their houses, huddling for warmth and awaiting the soft light of spring. For children, this time is especially difficult, as the frozen winter weather batters at their naive joy and unabashed optimism. We here at Sad Beige Inc. have a solution! Why allow your kids to slowly realize the prison that is society when you can break it to them all at once? With our new “Existential Dread” children’s clothes and toys line, you are sure to make unforgettable memories for your child this winter. 

The Tower of Despair Stacking Toy — $12.99

What better way to introduce your tot to the hardships of life than with the “Tower of Despair” stacking toy! When children first enter the world, they are giddy with the color and joy that surrounds them. But past this naive illusion is the grueling reality of existence, one they will have to face all too soon. With the “Tower of Despair” stacking toy, your child will learn the soul-crushing, repetitive life that awaits them in the American capitalist workforce.

Sandy Cotton Summer Dress — $49.95

This free flowing summer dress makes a perfect gift for your kid this January. As it hangs in the closet during long winter months, they will have their first taste of disappointment, one of many. 

Short Sleeved Slate Jacket — $79.99

With the “Short Sleeved Slate Jacket”, your child can finally experience what it is like to be invisible. What need is there for socialization and friendship when they can blend in seamlessly with the gray outdoors, feeling the cold wind against their forearms?

Clip On Kiddy Ties — $25.99

A fun playtime prop, our “Clip On Kiddy Ties” come in three patterns and make your child feel like the true boss they are! If your kid has dreams of climbing that endless corporate ladder, becoming a faceless agent of greed and exploitation and acting without regard for those which they have stepped on to reach their success, these ties will give them a glimpse of that dream life. 

Aren Framil can be reached at [email protected].