Stanmail: the evolution from fan to absolute stan

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By Sophia Pan, Copy Editor

stan (n.) – overzealous, overly devoted fan or stalker; originating from Eminem’s 2000 song “Stan”

Dear Conner Stoga,

I discovered your channel today while browsing the deep recesses of YouTube. Your killer voice and million dollar smile won me over immediately, and soon enough, I found myself binging all of your videos. You’ve got yourself a new fan!

I also followed all of your other social media accounts. Your life is really interesting, and you take the coolest pictures. #notificationsquad! I’m SO excited for you to go on tour next month.

Yours truly, Stanfanie

Conner Stoga,

I saw you on tour today — you looked SO cool on stage! I’m so proud to be a Stoganator! I totally stan you, and you have all my support. I might have lost my hearing, but it’s okay because I got to see you!

But… I seriously can’t believe I missed your meet and greet! My chance to meet you, gone like the wind! Woe is me… I’ll drown my sorrows by watching your videos, and hopefully seeing your gorgeous face and brilliant personality will brighten my pathetic life. I won’t miss your meet and greet next time.

Yours, Stanfanie

Conner, 

OMG. You are even more incredible in person than you are on camera! Best. Day. Of. My. Life! You were so kind, even when you shoved that girl and dropped that baby (all of which was an accident, I’m sure — my Conner Stoga being mean? Nonsense). I just can’t believe I shook hands with you, THE Conner Stoga! SCREAM!

You’re the best YouTuber ever, and it blows my mind that there exist people who dare to speak ill of your enlightened name! I came across one such pathetic, lying lowlife from the anti-Stoga crowd earlier today. That wretch dared to claim that your videos are unoriginal and bland, that you’re some kind of sellout! Unbelievable, isn’t it? Don’t worry, I informed her. Your holy name has been protected from the uneducated masses once again.

Yours, Stanfanie

Conner~

I can’t wait to see you again! I noticed that spark of recognition in your eyes at the meet and greet yesterday. Could it be? Are you beginning to recognize me, your biggest fan, after I’ve gone to every single fan meetup you’ve held for over half a year?

Love, Stanfanie

Conner~

Why did you look so pale when I saw you at the mall yesterday? You didn’t even want to talk to me — you just kept turning around and walking away. Is something the matter? Your complexion isn’t usually that pale. Even your breathing seemed uneven, and you kept averting your eyes!

What’s wrong with casually running into my favorite YouTuber at a public place? It’s not like what I’m doing is illegal. I just want to spend time with you! We’ve met so many times (138, to be exact), it feels like I already know you so well. I bet I know you better than your own mother does. You’re everything to me.

Love, Stanfanie

Sweet Conner~

You keep peering out of your bedroom curtains and checking to see if the doors are locked. The bags under your eyes have darkened over the past few weeks.

Are you afraid of something? I’ll get rid of it. I’ve been keeping a careful eye on you and your house to make sure that nothing hurts my precious angel. Just say the word.

Love, Stanfanie

My darling Conner~

I noticed that your kitchen window was loose today. You look so peaceful when you’re asleep.

Love, your biggest fan stan <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3